Some Light Relief

Hello from downtown Onslow –we arrived here yesterday and are pleasantly surprised by this sleepy little seaside town. It is not to tell you about Onslow however, that I am now pounding the keyboard.
This is just a little light relief for your enjoyment and for my sanity. I don’t think you need any more explanation, just read and enjoy. As usual, I think the ladies will get more enjoyment from the following than the fellas.
Love each other and practise tolerance! Stephanie

THE DISBELIEVING BLOKE

Gather round me ladies please and tell me if you will
If of blokes and their disbelieving ways you have had your fill
Does it drive you to distraction the disbelieving ways
They adopt when they are listening to anything you say
Sorry girls, did I say listen, oh my goodness what a dope
We all know they NEVER listen, of that there is NO hope
We’ve all heard about how dogs only hear one word in ten
If men would be just that attentive, why we’d be lucky then.


My patience is sore tested, my peace of mind destroyed
When the eyebrows are all arched and the tone of voice employed
That implies I have no notion, not one skerrick of a chance
Of saying anything at all, that might actually advance
The course of our discussion, make a point or shed some light
On whatever is the subject of our worry or our plight
You see, this man, this fella, this learned bloke of mine,
Why he is all magnificent, correct of course, sublime.


Now I’m not saying that I’m never ever wrong
That I’m perfect, or indeed, don’t sometimes need the gong
To bring me to a pause in a long winded piece of news
But my girls, it’s my credence he so often does abuse
It’s amazing, don’t you think, that I managed to get by
In my three score years and some, without him always by my side
To advise me, to guide me, to tell me where I failed
Where my information and my methods so obviously ailed


For this must be his think, his obvious attitude
This Doubting Thomas way of his really is quite rude
Even worse I have to say tho’ is that other little habit
That has me twitching violently like the nose upon a rabbit
That’s the one where when finding out some piece of juicy news
He brings it to me all excited, then my expression misconstrues
When I tell him rather roughly, all tight lipped and quite irate
That I had told him last night, when tea was on his plate


Then he sits there all amazed, all hurt and rather sad
Had I told him, he would have known, his memory is not bad
No, his memory is not bad my girls, but as women we all know
To remember, one has to listen first, to the words that flow
From the lips of women, like pearls cast before the swine
To be savoured and enjoyed like.... Elderberry wine!
These two small habits on their own I could endure
But it is the last one that really needs a cure



The other little gem that always warms my heart
Is when I trouble to research and then perhaps impart
Some piece of information he has asked me to find out
He hastens to assume that my studies are in doubt
To my consternation and considerable remorse
He insists on checking all the details and the very source
Doubting every little thing and every detail that I found
His perilous position he continues to compound


So when you see me, hair standing all on end
Standing oh so close to that proverbial bend
You will know and I know that you will understand
Now you’ve heard about my bloke, my fella, my man
Oh he’s a good man, smart, kind and sort of funny
And on his good days,why he is positively sunny
But you will know, now, why I often wish to choke
The very breath of life out of my disbelieving bloke!