FAMILY TIES

80 Mile Beach

Wharton Beach

Dawntime at Denmark

Hello, hello, hello. I am sorry to have been out of touch with so many of you over the past few months. You may have gathered life picked up a little pace for a while there and we were on the run so to speak. We arrived home on around the 9th of April and our Daughter in Law Naomi went into hospital on the 11th for major reconstructive surgery. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the situation, Naomi (Nom) gave birth to beautiful Jack on the 30th November. Due to a whole range of health issues, we very nearly lost our girl during the birth. During the course of the operation to remove Jack ,Nom had amongst other problems, major issues with bleeding. As a result of this they left (from memory) something like 16 metal clamps inside her. The cumulative effect of all of this was that having survived the birth, Nom needed substantial surgery to enable her to live a normal life again. Soooo, back into hospital. Once again, things didn’t go as smoothly as we would have liked and Nom was on that operating table for another 5 or so hours. The operation was successful but only on the proviso of certain post operative rules to be obeyed. One of these rules meant that Nom could lift nothing weighing more than 2ks. A big ask for a mother of a Ferocious Four Year Old and a five month old babe. Of course, she also had to take everything else very slowly and easily.


As luck would have it, whilst Brett (my son) had been able to take extended leave during the dramatic events surrounding Jack’s birth, he was out of luck this time around. His workplace has been wonderful and super supportive, but at the end of the day they needed him back on the job. To make the situation just that little bit more ‘exciting’ the Thursday after Nom’s op he was to take over the role of his own boss for an undetermined time. Those of you who have climbed that corporate ladder will know that opportunities like this only come along once in a very long while and careers are won and lost during these times.


OK, so the scene is set. There is really nobody else the kids (Brett & Nom) can call on in these difficult times. Nom’s mum works as does the rest of the family. We were the nominated Cavalry. I have to say my dears, I am too old, too fat and too unfit to be a mum. Nature really did know what she was about when she arranged for families to be born while we are young. Knowing my limits, my son very wisely arranged for Daniel (the ferocious 4yo) to be in full time day-care and/or kindy during Nom’s recovery. I am so grateful for this, as I really don’t think I could have coped with him as well as Jack. Jack of course, is just beautiful. He is however a ‘windy baby’ and as a result of that can be a little un-settled and fractious. One of the biggest problems for us was that the kids live a good 40 min drive away from us and I had to be there before 7am in order for Brett to leave for work, dropping Daniel off on his way. I have always hated driving in the dark. I have very bad ‘night-vision’. Fortunately, I had just been prescribed new driving glasses which help diffuse that ‘light problem’ and they did help. When I first started going over to help, the days were dawning as I left. By the time I finished just a week or so ago, I was driving the entire trip in darkness. To add to my woes, we did have some of that stuff rarely seen in WA, rain. Of course, a goodly amount of it fell during my dark trips in the mornings. Likewise, we also have some very thick fogs which made visibility very tough in this low lying part of the country. Just to make it all the more colourful, the roads I had to travel, wend amongst paddocks that are just thick with kangaroos! Wonderful.


Initially I was stopping off on the way to pick up a heart-starter for Brett – a Muzz-Buzz was a must for both of us initially. Once we were sorted out tho’ this stopped and Brett doubtless picked up his own coffee. This was probably a good thing as I can see how those things can become habit very quickly. To arrive at Brett’s by the designated time I was getting up at 5am. Because I knew I had to wake early, I generally woke every hour on the hour during the night. I don’t know about you, but that has always been the way for me when I have an early start. My rather feeble point is that I became pretty sleep deprived pretty quickly. I am one of those people who really need their sleep and I have to confess to not being nice to know when I am over-tired.


Anyway, I digress (how unusual!). I was a little nervous with Jack initially. After all, I only had 2 babes and both of them were some 37 years ago. I didn’t have a great deal of interaction with my other grandchildren when they were babies. It didn’t take me long to find my feet tho’ and before long Jack & I were getting along just swimmingly. Babies really are wonderful people! I consider myself to be blessed by being able to share a small part of his life and to have been there through a couple of major events (first roll over and stuff like that). During her recovery Nom would stay abed until 11 ish and then would get up and potter around the place. I know it is really difficult to be the good patient and poor old Nom was chastised by yours truly on several events of trying to do too much. There were times I think, when she simply forgot that she was not supposed to do things. Life for Brett must have been pure hell. I know my son is made of seriously strong stuff, but just how close we came to breaking him, I guess we will never know. His job is full on and very stressful at the best of times. Add to that having to get up and do all the night feeds, change wet beds and look after a sick wife!!! On top of that he is on call 24 hours a day (albeit on the phone) and as his job involves life and death scenarios calls relating to downed phone systems etc must have been just delightful.


BUT...........we all soldiered on. Nom’s mum Gloria came in on her one day off each week and I was there for the other 4 week days. On the week-ends Brett soldiered on alone. Nom’s step-mum Winnie came to the fore with bulk cooked meals for them. She brought them over on the week-ends. I am ashamed to confess that I was ‘crying tired’ at the end of each week. Looking after someone else’s baby is somewhat taxing and although I bonded very well with little Jack I did find it nerve-racking. Just trying to maintain his schedule to his parent’s expectations and in such a manner as to get him sleeping better during the nights was a challenge. It’s different when it is your own child and you can make up the rules. This is in no way a criticism of Brett & Nom’s parenting incidentally. It’s just that we all do things differently.


During the 7 week recovery period there were a few crisis points involving infections etc. and Brett found himself in emergency one evening with Nom (and both the children). As I said, I don’t know how he coped and maintained his sanity.


Early in the piece we were visited by a Registered Nurse who arranged for Nom to have a cleaner come in for a couple of hours each week to do the housework. Of course, I tidied the house on a daily basis and kept the washing etc up but the house still needed extra attention. This service was free. The concept is to allow patients to recover at home thus freeing up hospital beds. Interesting. There is a very long and convoluted story about why this op was performed under Public Health and not Private. It was all to do with the Dr and not a choice made by Brett & Nom. In addition to the house-work, a nurse called every couple of days to check Nom’s dressing etc. In the middle of all the chaos, Nom had to go in for her monthly infusions. We had two of those during the time I was there.


Nom champed at the bit for the day when she could have the catheter out. Finally the Monday arrived and Brett took the day off so that they could go together to the hospital and celebrate the first day of the rest of their lives. The day was a nightmare and the pain involved was horrendous. I spoke with Nom when she arrived home that afternoon and she sounded terribly down. I was a bit perplexed as I had expected her to be on top of the world, finally being ‘recovered ‘enough to pick up her baby and to move about freely. I had ostensibly been dismissed and was also free to pick up my own life. All Good!! Not to be. Early next morning I had a very confused and teary call from Nom. It was incidentally her birthday! I could get no sense out of her and doubtless, as I could barely talk due to a very bad bug, she couldn’t understand me either. She hung up the phone and I couldn’t get her back. Finally, in somewhat of a panic I managed to get hold of Brett who just managed to tell me that Nom was terribly ill, had fallen in at around 2am and just couldn’t look after Jack. What could I do? I didn’t want to take my bugs into the house, particularly to look after a little one. There really was no choice however. By the time I arrived there, my other son, Troy, was sitting looking somewhat bemused with a happy Jack ensconced on his lap. Nom had sent out the SOS far and wide and poor old Troy had answered the call. He was prepared to stay until 2pm and Brett was able to work from home just for that day. I sent Troy back to his own work and he and I agreed to share the care duties the following day. I felt guilty about these arrangements and finally said I would be there for them. So, me and my germs arrived again for the next 3 days. I have never seen anyone as ill as Nom looked that week. Both she and Brett were of the opinion that she had picked up a viral infection at the hospital. This opinion was echoed by their surgeon, this despite not physically seeing the patient. Nom quarantined herself in Daniel’s bedroom and Daniel took up residence with his Dad. She was not able to get up until Friday afternoon. On one very frightening occasion she did come out to the kitchen to get some pain killers and she could only slide her feet along the ground – she couldn’t lift them from the floor. She was skeletal and pale. I was terrified for her! Finally on Friday afternoon she surfaced and come out to the kitchen and had a bit of a visit with me. I was so relieved to see her looking a little better.


That was the Friday before the long week-end and on the Monday afternoon we had a call from Nom. We (DD & me) both froze when we saw her name on the phone. With great trepidation we answered the call only to hear Nom‘s very cheerful voice on the other end suggesting that they drop in for a little visit. This they duly did and I cannot explain adequately just how wonderful it was to see them looking just like a normal family. I just had a call from Troy and he too has seen a dramatic change in his brother’s demeanour since Nom‘s recovery. Of course, she still has to be sensible and do all the right things for a little while longer, but essentially, hopefully, they are now on the home stretch of what has been an absolute nightmare for them.


Needless to say thru’ all of this there has been Mother. For most of the time she was very good, but towards the end of the nightmare, she did become a little frayed around the edges. She was very, very good about the car. We had her car here for most of the time. This was so that DD could take her shopping, hairdressing, library etc. DD incidentally was wonderful and really did show why I still think he is TBBITW. He became Mum‘s taxi. The old ladies that chat to mum at the shopping centre thought he was wonderful too!! Mother was not neglected in any way, but she was deprived of my company. Mind you, regardless of how tired I felt, I did go and see her every Saturday morning for a long chat. Between you, me and the fence-post, there was an ulterior motive in having the car here. We feel good when she is not driving! It was also handy for a little extra storage space during rainy patches etc.


Poor Old Mum! Once again she has a cold. She claims that every May she catches a cold and it stays with her until the end of the year. She seems to be right. On top of the cold she claimed to have, she then caught ours. Now she is feeling miserable. She went and had a scan done on her nose etc. as she has polyps in her nasal passages and is considering having them removed. She has an appointment with RPH early July to discuss the probabilities of the operation. When she went to see the Dr after having the scans he mentioned that she also has ‘growths’ on her bronchial tubes. She was as they say in the classics ‘nay pleased’. Anyway all of this and missing out on my company culminated in her dishing me out a very large dose of vitriol. This was after we took her out for her birthday (86) to a beautiful venue in Cottesloe. This was so that she could be close to the sea (her request). I will attach a photo of mum on her big day just so you can see how wonderfully well she appeared on the day. I don’t doubt that mum feels terrible, but sadly I feel what she is feeling is simply in the main, old age. I don’t think she gets that. She has been so fortunate during her life not to suffer most of the aging symptoms that the rest of us put up with. She has only just begun to feel a bit of arthritis etc. Where some days I can barely move at my age, she is still reasonably nimble. There are days when she is frailer than others of course and while she has this bug, she is not particularly good.


Anyway, back to the vitriol. This particularly nasty dish was served up to me when I went to see her the Saturday after Nom’s ‘virus’. I was exhausted and not particularly well myself, and yet I was there. You know, I used to be a meek and mild little mouse, but sadly that mouse was long ago eaten by the wild-cat that took its place. I no longer take ‘shit’ and this includes from my elderly and sometimes cantankerous mother. Unfortunately for her, she unloaded it and it was shovelled back at her as fast as it came. We had a couple of days after that where she continued to attempt to gain ascendancy, all to no avail. Needless to say, I think we are now back on a reasonably even keel. I won’t bore you with all the details, but suffice to say that although she has tempered somewhat over the years, My Mother still can be a difficult and prickly old bugger. I love her very much, but I won’t be intimidated by her. Nor will I be made to feel guilty!


Anyway, all is good now and we took her for a drive to Bunbury yesterday at her request. This was to see the windows in the Catholic Cathedral there. The church was very badly storm damaged some time back and rather than have super expensive stained glass windows installed, they commissioned Robin Juniper to paint them. A novel approach indeed and worth the visit if you are in the area. We had a lovely day made humorous by the fact that mum came out with one shoe and one slipper. If I had needed any evidence of her failing eye-sight, that would certainly have done the trick. Admittedly they did look somewhat similar, although the shoe was black and the slipper navy. My Mother is a very stylish lady, even now and very, very particular about how she looks. I saw her gaff when helping her from the car and before I could stop myself broke out laughing and told her of her ‘costume malfunction’. I suppose she would have found out eventually anyway. She did see the humour of the situation but couldn’t help but say “OH NO” over and over again for the next 5 minutes. In consideration of her feelings and to save her embarrassment (and DD some money?!) we found a tiny little tavern in Australind in which to have lunch. All in all the day was a nice one and hopefully a nice memory for her.


We are delighted to have our lives back. I am now back to looking after mother for 2 days per week, plus doing the taxi thing. We leave for our next Sanity Break on around the 7th July. This time we are heading to Kalbarri for 4 – 6 weeks and really looking forward to the time away. This Saturday a BBQ at Brett’s is planned. This is to celebrate all the birthdays. Brett’s was on the Thursday after Nom went into hospital and pretty well went un-noticed. Poor old Nom had hers the day she fell so terribly ill. Troy has his next Tuesday and mine is this Friday. Mother has just had hers and hers is the only one we have managed to celebrate to this point. Hopefully there will be some lovely happy and healthy family photos to come from this happy event. If so I will post them next time around.


Well folks, sorry to be so long winded, but it saves me from writing a whole heap of emails. Once again I am sorry to have neglected my correspondence for so long. I have not had a great deal of time for either writing or painting of late. The paintings I am posting have all been done prior to the main event. I have started a couple more and during the nightmare I did an abstract which my family and friends are all a little non-plussed over when they see it. Oh well – as they say, everyone is a critic.


Love to all – from Steph and THE BEST BLOKE IN THE WORLD (TBBITW)