GOOD BYE MUM

Mum's Best Mate

The weeks following mum’s death were hectic to say the least. There was just so much to do. You have to remember here that I am an only child. There is nobody else to share the load, or I suppose, to fight over the spoils with. I will split this section into two, the first half I will deal with the day to day things that have to be done following the death of a loved one. Perhaps it will help someone else one day. I confess I had no pre existing knowledge here whatsoever and so it was all a big learning curve. The second half I will dedicate to Mum.

The first few days after mum passed were spent telling people. The number of sad phone calls were innumerable – just one after the other, telling pretty much the same story and fielding the same questions. The hardest task we had was dealing with The Wombat. Mum and I had many long discussions about what would happen to Sparky after she left. She had often expressed the opinion they were ‘running neck to neck to the finish line’. Mum, we felt often imagined Sparks to be much worse than he really was; he was however at least 12 years old and suffered many of the ailments old dogs suffered. Mum had found Sparks at the local vets and he had been picked up off a busy highway having been struck by a car. His hindquarters had been severely impacted. As an old dog, he felt the pain in his back leg particularly and like mum, could only walk short distances. He was a happy old beast nevertheless, like mum quite neurotic and extremely set in his doggie ways. As I was saying, mum and I discussed his future many times and her wishes ultimately were that when she went, he would follow. It’s amazing how easy that sounded when she was alive and it was only a concept! When it came to the crunch however, it was a very different reality. The only things that kept me on the straight and narrow were I suspected Sparks had a serious health issue himself, all to do with his Doggie workings. I could see a swelling where there should be no swelling and had been conscious of it for a little while. I had not mentioned it to mum as I didn’t wish to add to her troubles. He was in constant pain from his back leg and hip. All of this very practical stuff was further enhanced by my belief that when we reach the other side, our beasties can join us there. I know this is heretic by many people’s belief systems, but it is intrinsic to mine. Mum shared my belief.

So, Mum left us early Tuesday morning, by Wednesday evening, Sparks had joined her. As DD and I knelt on the hard floor at the veterinary surgery, cuddling the large black wombat like dog, whispering sweet nothings in his doggie ear, the vet wielded the green needle and I asked mum to come and take her best friend. It was one of the very hardest things I have ever had to do. Both Doug and myself were brought undone by our actions. The only good thing about it is that we knew it was the right thing to do and it was mum’s wishes.

Mum had expressly asked for a ‘nice funeral’. We happily complied with this wish. I tell you what tho’, Death is an expensive business and I suspect a very profitable industry to be associated with. We needed to hold the funeral in the Midland area so that all mum’s garden club and library club mates could come along, bearing in mind that the few she had not outlived, were limited in their own mobility. There are only two funeral directors in that area so we had little option but to speak to them both and then select the best package. We elected to use Purslowe Funeral Directors, partly because we instantly felt at home when we walked into their premises, and not a little because the delightful woman who assisted us was called Stephanie. It felt karmic somehow. Without being too crass, I would like you to know that a fairly simple funeral cost approximately $8,600 and that was with a discount for speedy payment. They did us proud tho’! The casket was not one of their more expensive models, but simple and elegant. We had a beautiful spread of flowers in pink tones that covered around two thirds of the casket. I wrote the eulogy and somehow managed to read it on the day. We had bookmarks made with mum’s photo on them – they were lovely – I still have at least 50 of them to pass on to people who did not make it to the funeral and for posterity.

As these things go, the day was a success. I suppose there must have been between 30 and 40 people there, largely from the garden club. I was disappointed that none of the older members of the family managed to attend, with of course the exception of mum’s sister Suzie. My boys and their wives were there, as was Doug’s son Trent and his wife. I really appreciated their attendance, and I was almost overwhelmed when my very good friends also came along to say goodbye, even some who had never met Mum. It is at times like that you really appreciate true friendship. We made sure we had ‘nice cake’ (long story) for the ladies and it was demolished with considerable gusto. The celebrant was delightful, a gentleman in the true sense of the word, and of our own vintage. All in all, the funeral was pretty, elegant and simple – Mum would have been very pleased. One of the most amazing things was the presence of an old boss of hers. I was absolutely blown away when he introduced himself. Mum would have worked for him no less than 30 years ago. Incredible! I am really peed off that I cannot discuss this amazing event with her. We would have spent many happy hours dissecting that one!!

Mum appointed The Public Trustees as her Executors and we duly went off to see them. I have mixed emotions about this. Certainly they make things pretty easy for us, but certainly also, they don’t miss with their charges. They will take around $6000 for their efforts. Considering mum’s estate is minimal, that is pretty heavy I think. All that is involved is the house, a single vehicle and a very minimal amount of cash (all absorbed by the funeral and the Trustees).

Mum bless her little cotton socks, had never dealt with my father’s ashes, and expected me to sort out both his and hers. She specifically didn’t want to be ‘scattered’ and left instructions in the Will as to the placement of her Ashes. She simply wished them to be placed at the local cemetery along with fathers’. Would you believe that a simple plaque on the ground covering the ashes costs in the vicinity of $1600!! Incredible! Especially as I don’t even believe in gravesites and the like! We still have to deal with that little task. Currently all three lots of Ashes are sitting in a cupboard in Mum’s house, Mum’s, Dad’s, and Sparkies. It is my intention to put Spark’s ashes with mothers. I dare say I will have to keep that a secret from the cemetery people!

The cleaning out of mum’s house is a monumental task and one that will take me quite a bit of time. We are currently taking a little break and have spent a couple of weeks in Kalbarri and are now visiting our ‘wedding party’ in GreenHead. When we get back to Perth we will have to resume this big job. I am not looking forward to it, but will tell you more along those lines at a later date. Mum’s house and belongings are a story in themselves.