LIKE THE SHELLS ON THE BEACH - THE LESSONS LEARNED!
Since moving in to the caravan in November last year, there are some lessons we have learned. The following list constitutes the things we have learned ‘not to do’! We thought you might find the list both educational and entertaining.
· DO NOT leave sky-light hatch fully open, even when it is dead calm - $650 later for a new hatch thanks very much! Ours was caught in a freak wind at Tumbling Waters and went Tumbling across the road.
· DO NOT forget to frequently check the hose attachments under sinks and basins – late night flooding of the caravan can be avoided this way.
· DO NOT attempt to put down awning on your own in a howling gale – partners are willing to help if asked - $50 for a new toggle thingy for awning.
· DO NOT forget to check the wattage of bulbs – melted light fitting falling on spouse’s head can precipitate warm discussions.
· DO NOT move van without checking windows from both the inside and outside – frantic waving down by passing motorists can cause alarm.
· DO NOT leave wallet or any other valuables unattended in car whilst packing up – sadly, theft by neighbours can be a problem.
· DO NOT leave anything remotely edible outside van in places where dingos live – pillow stealing dingos are everywhere.
· DO NOT step into mud puddles no matter how hard it is to get around them – major embarrassment can be avoided this way
· DO NOT forget to check for potholes around van – very hard to climb mountains with knee in bandage.
· DO NOT forget that internal parts of a caravan may be lower than one’s cranium – many, many headaches can be avoided this way.
· DO NOT leave chains dangling at the front of the van whilst in camp, especially if your van is not a large one – not unless you want all the other caravanners to know exactly when and for how long you are feeling amorous.
· DO NOT forget to open all windows and vents and put on air conditioners and exhaust fans before putting bread in toaster – this will avoid loud screaming noises in your ears and the rest of the camp commenting that “someone’s toast is ready”
· DO NOT leave drunken spouse in charge of BBQ – this will avoid unappetising charred black stuff being served up and drunken spouse receiving a little bit of hot tongue.
· DO NOT expect your male partner to return anytime within 30 mins each time they visit the gents, empty the canister, go to the corner, check the tyres or indeed anything that requires leaving the caravan.
· DO NOT expect any sleep-ins when in any sort of fishing camp – eardrum perforating yells about the anticipated catch of the day are sure to erupt at the very first hint of sunup.
· DO NOT expect married (or any other sort) of bliss when cooped up in a caravan 24/7 for any extended period of time – some time out from each other is mandatory for even the happiest and most well adjusted of couples – this is to avoid the extreme internal stress caused by resisting the almost overwhelming desire to choke the living ................out of one’s beloved.
· DO NOT ask to be situated right next door to dear old Fred, or Norma or whoever – leave yourself at least a couple of bays or old and long term friendships may suffer.
· DO NOT forget to be vigilant when driving on roads shared with livestock – dead bulls and dead 4x4s can be avoided this way.
· DO NOT fall into the nibblies at 4.30 trap – hiring a crane to lift both of you into your van or vehicle after far too much consumption can be costly and embarrassing.
· DO NOT accept free meal invitations from complete strangers – if people need to provide food in order to have someone visit them, there is generally a reason.
· DO NOT forget your wife’s birthday, particularly if you are in the vicinity of Broome – there are some very expensive pearls to be had there.
· DO NOT attempt beach driving if you are not an experienced 4x4 driver – this can avoid excessive exertion when extricating vehicles from bumper deep sand (or worse)
· DO NOT get pulled into conversations with other campers when trying to hitch/pack up – all manner of nasty omissions/events can be avoided this way.
· DO NOT get too precious about anything, particularly ablution blocks and/or staff personalities (or lack of) – truly in the big scheme of things it doesn’t really matter and you are only going to spoil your own fun by taking it to heart.
· DO NOT leave it to chance when going into busy areas – a quick phone call to make an advance booking, even the day before, can save a great deal of angst.
· DO NOT forget in over abundant enthusiasm that your age and fitness levels are what they are – sadly we have seen and heard of too many fellow travellers being carted off the hospitals because they thought they were bullet-proof.
There are so very many more, and we would love to hear of your own personal DO NOTS – not all of these are ours, many have been gleaned over the odd glass or two with new chums. We have to say that our favourite is
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TOW THE VAN WITH YOUR SPOUSE INSIDE!!
We have heard two wonderful tales that happened this way :-
One enterprising couple had decided that they wanted a washing machine whilst touring. The good news was that they had a shower recess on board which they had no desire to use. They considered that this would possibly be a good spot to place the Washing Machine. Understandably the feller was a little concerned about the machine moving around while they were underway. Ah! Brainstorm! He just asked the little woman if she would please sit on the loo and watch the machine while he took the van for a run around the Adelaide Hills. He was very considerate of her welfare and provided her with a mobile ‘phone so that she could contact him if there was a problem. Said little woman agreed to the plan and firmly planted her tiny derrière on the loo. The feller decided that he might as well give the system a really good work-out, just to be sure to be sure, and off he went, swinging the fairly large van briskly up and down and all around the Adelaide Hills – this went on for around 15 minutes. Well, my friends, said little woman was having, as you can no doubt imagine, all sorts of problems. The movement of the van was so severe at the rear end where she was ensconced that she had to brace herself with both arms against the two walls of the bathroom. The movement of the van was sooooo vigorous she could not even get her hand to her pocket where her lifesaving mobile rested. She was definitely shaken and stirred when he finally stopped the van and opened the door. The good news? The washing machine did not budge one inch! When we met this lady she seemed a trifle odd, we have no way of knowing whether this was a long term condition or one just brought on by her terrifying ride.
The second story was a little more sinister we thought. We met a bloke who seemed to have small regard for the female gender. Even before he told us this hair-raising story we had determined that this man had a bad attitude. He told of the day he was wanting to get an early start on the day’s travels but his wife had wished to sleep in a little. Now the poor woman was not around to defend herself, so we cannot say whether or not she had good cause to stay in bed that day. Regardless of her reasons, the man decided that they were underway. Leaving his wife in bed he hitched up the van, shut the door and took off. My friends, this is where this story makes our blood run cold – he travelled for some 300 ks before he stopped the vehicle and opened up the caravan. The poor woman was close to death! Motion sickness at its worse. She had thrown up all over the van and was extraordinarily ill. When we asked what she said, he claimed she said nothing, just climbed into the car and sat in silence for the remainder of the trip. He did say that he felt his actions that day may have been the final straw precipitating the pursuant divorce.
Well, that’s it for this time – love to hear from you. Steph and TBBITW
Since moving in to the caravan in November last year, there are some lessons we have learned. The following list constitutes the things we have learned ‘not to do’! We thought you might find the list both educational and entertaining.
· DO NOT leave sky-light hatch fully open, even when it is dead calm - $650 later for a new hatch thanks very much! Ours was caught in a freak wind at Tumbling Waters and went Tumbling across the road.
· DO NOT forget to frequently check the hose attachments under sinks and basins – late night flooding of the caravan can be avoided this way.
· DO NOT attempt to put down awning on your own in a howling gale – partners are willing to help if asked - $50 for a new toggle thingy for awning.
· DO NOT forget to check the wattage of bulbs – melted light fitting falling on spouse’s head can precipitate warm discussions.
· DO NOT move van without checking windows from both the inside and outside – frantic waving down by passing motorists can cause alarm.
· DO NOT leave wallet or any other valuables unattended in car whilst packing up – sadly, theft by neighbours can be a problem.
· DO NOT leave anything remotely edible outside van in places where dingos live – pillow stealing dingos are everywhere.
· DO NOT step into mud puddles no matter how hard it is to get around them – major embarrassment can be avoided this way
· DO NOT forget to check for potholes around van – very hard to climb mountains with knee in bandage.
· DO NOT forget that internal parts of a caravan may be lower than one’s cranium – many, many headaches can be avoided this way.
· DO NOT leave chains dangling at the front of the van whilst in camp, especially if your van is not a large one – not unless you want all the other caravanners to know exactly when and for how long you are feeling amorous.
· DO NOT forget to open all windows and vents and put on air conditioners and exhaust fans before putting bread in toaster – this will avoid loud screaming noises in your ears and the rest of the camp commenting that “someone’s toast is ready”
· DO NOT leave drunken spouse in charge of BBQ – this will avoid unappetising charred black stuff being served up and drunken spouse receiving a little bit of hot tongue.
· DO NOT expect your male partner to return anytime within 30 mins each time they visit the gents, empty the canister, go to the corner, check the tyres or indeed anything that requires leaving the caravan.
· DO NOT expect any sleep-ins when in any sort of fishing camp – eardrum perforating yells about the anticipated catch of the day are sure to erupt at the very first hint of sunup.
· DO NOT expect married (or any other sort) of bliss when cooped up in a caravan 24/7 for any extended period of time – some time out from each other is mandatory for even the happiest and most well adjusted of couples – this is to avoid the extreme internal stress caused by resisting the almost overwhelming desire to choke the living ................out of one’s beloved.
· DO NOT ask to be situated right next door to dear old Fred, or Norma or whoever – leave yourself at least a couple of bays or old and long term friendships may suffer.
· DO NOT forget to be vigilant when driving on roads shared with livestock – dead bulls and dead 4x4s can be avoided this way.
· DO NOT fall into the nibblies at 4.30 trap – hiring a crane to lift both of you into your van or vehicle after far too much consumption can be costly and embarrassing.
· DO NOT accept free meal invitations from complete strangers – if people need to provide food in order to have someone visit them, there is generally a reason.
· DO NOT forget your wife’s birthday, particularly if you are in the vicinity of Broome – there are some very expensive pearls to be had there.
· DO NOT attempt beach driving if you are not an experienced 4x4 driver – this can avoid excessive exertion when extricating vehicles from bumper deep sand (or worse)
· DO NOT get pulled into conversations with other campers when trying to hitch/pack up – all manner of nasty omissions/events can be avoided this way.
· DO NOT get too precious about anything, particularly ablution blocks and/or staff personalities (or lack of) – truly in the big scheme of things it doesn’t really matter and you are only going to spoil your own fun by taking it to heart.
· DO NOT leave it to chance when going into busy areas – a quick phone call to make an advance booking, even the day before, can save a great deal of angst.
· DO NOT forget in over abundant enthusiasm that your age and fitness levels are what they are – sadly we have seen and heard of too many fellow travellers being carted off the hospitals because they thought they were bullet-proof.
There are so very many more, and we would love to hear of your own personal DO NOTS – not all of these are ours, many have been gleaned over the odd glass or two with new chums. We have to say that our favourite is
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TOW THE VAN WITH YOUR SPOUSE INSIDE!!
We have heard two wonderful tales that happened this way :-
One enterprising couple had decided that they wanted a washing machine whilst touring. The good news was that they had a shower recess on board which they had no desire to use. They considered that this would possibly be a good spot to place the Washing Machine. Understandably the feller was a little concerned about the machine moving around while they were underway. Ah! Brainstorm! He just asked the little woman if she would please sit on the loo and watch the machine while he took the van for a run around the Adelaide Hills. He was very considerate of her welfare and provided her with a mobile ‘phone so that she could contact him if there was a problem. Said little woman agreed to the plan and firmly planted her tiny derrière on the loo. The feller decided that he might as well give the system a really good work-out, just to be sure to be sure, and off he went, swinging the fairly large van briskly up and down and all around the Adelaide Hills – this went on for around 15 minutes. Well, my friends, said little woman was having, as you can no doubt imagine, all sorts of problems. The movement of the van was so severe at the rear end where she was ensconced that she had to brace herself with both arms against the two walls of the bathroom. The movement of the van was sooooo vigorous she could not even get her hand to her pocket where her lifesaving mobile rested. She was definitely shaken and stirred when he finally stopped the van and opened the door. The good news? The washing machine did not budge one inch! When we met this lady she seemed a trifle odd, we have no way of knowing whether this was a long term condition or one just brought on by her terrifying ride.
The second story was a little more sinister we thought. We met a bloke who seemed to have small regard for the female gender. Even before he told us this hair-raising story we had determined that this man had a bad attitude. He told of the day he was wanting to get an early start on the day’s travels but his wife had wished to sleep in a little. Now the poor woman was not around to defend herself, so we cannot say whether or not she had good cause to stay in bed that day. Regardless of her reasons, the man decided that they were underway. Leaving his wife in bed he hitched up the van, shut the door and took off. My friends, this is where this story makes our blood run cold – he travelled for some 300 ks before he stopped the vehicle and opened up the caravan. The poor woman was close to death! Motion sickness at its worse. She had thrown up all over the van and was extraordinarily ill. When we asked what she said, he claimed she said nothing, just climbed into the car and sat in silence for the remainder of the trip. He did say that he felt his actions that day may have been the final straw precipitating the pursuant divorce.
Well, that’s it for this time – love to hear from you. Steph and TBBITW
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