UP TO MUD

Nastier than it looks!

Lake Argyle from our camp

Hi there all, this entry is right out of order, but I thought you might enjoy a laugh at my expense. The experience depicted here happened at Fitzroy Crossing and I have a few entries to catch up on before I get there in the 'blogs' - so until next time - keep smiling - Stephanie

UP TO MUD!!!!!

FITZROY CROSSING WAS THE PLACE THAT WE WERE AT
THE PARK LOOKED QUITE UP MARKET, WE WERE SURPRISED AT THAT
WE HAD GRASS, WATER AND EVEN POWER
ONCE SET-UP I HAD MY SHOWER
THE BLOKE WAS RELAXED AND SITTING OUTSIDE
SURVEYING HIS KINGDOM WITH MANLY PRIDE

A COUPLE OF MEN HAD STOPPED TO CHAT
MY BLOKE LOVES TO TALK, NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT
THE DISCUSSION MOVED ‘MONGST CARS AND VANS
OF TRIPS AND ROADS AND LONG MADE PLANS
MEANWHILE MY BODY SAID TO ME
AT THE LADIES YOU MUST BE

A CUPPA MIGHT BE NICE I THOUGHT
WHEN I GET BACK FROM MY LITTLE WALK
SO PASSING THE BLOKE AS I WENT
TO HIS PEARL LIKE EAR I BENT
I’VE PUT THE KETTLE ON I SOFTLY SAID
NOT WISHING TO INTERUPT THE TALK’S MAIN THREAD

WELL, MY GIRLS AS WE ALL KNOW,
AS THEY OLDER GET, THEY NASTIER GROW
MY HAND WAS ROUGHLY SLAPPED AWAY
FOR MY INTRUSION I WAS MADE TO PAY
I WAS TAKEN ABACK TO SAY THE LEAST
HE DIDN’T OFTEN PLAY THE BEAST

OH WELL, NATURE STILL WAS CALLING
TO STAY AND FIGHT MIGHT BE APPALLING
SO TO THE LADIES I DID STALK,
IT WAS A SHORT AND BITTER WALK
BUT ONCE MY TASK HAD BEEN COMPLETED
MY BAD MOOD HAD BEEN DEFEATED

THE GRASS OUTSIDE THE TOILET BLOCKS
HAD BEEN ROPED OFF, WITH RAGS AND ROCKS
THE ROAD THAT RAN ‘LONGSIDE THE GRASS
LOOKED TO BE PRETTY HARD TO PASS
OOZING LOTS OF MUD AND SLUDGE
THRU’ THE MESS I TRIED TO TRUDGE

BEING TRUE TO GIRLY FORM,
I DIDN’T WANT THAT MUD TO STORM
INTO MY SHOES AND TOES AND SUCH
IT LOOKED SO SLIMY TO THE TOUCH
WELL YOU PROBABLY HAVE GUESSED BY NOW
THAT FATE AND PRIDE CAN BE A COW

MY RIGHT FOOT SLID MADLY THRU’ THAT MUD
MY LEFT ONE MADE A SICKENING THUD
AS WITH A SLURP, A SLOP AND A MIGHTY WHOOSH
SOME UNSEEN HAND GAVE ME A PUSH
INTO THE MUD A BELLY FLOP,
THE MUD BENEATH AND ME ON TOP

I’VE HAD SOME DEMEANING TIMES IN LIFE
I’VE SEEN SOME TROUBLE I’VE SEEN SOME STRIFE
AND I KNOW THAT IN THE WORLD’S AFFAIRS
MY LITTLE FALL DOES NOT COMPARE
BUT SPRAWLED OUT THERE FOR ALL TO SEE
I FELT I’D LOST MY DIGNITY

AS I LAY THERE BRUISED AND BROKE
I WONDERED ‘WHERE THE HELL’STHE BLOKE?”
A COUPLE ALL CONCERNED CAME RUNNING
THEY COULD SEE I WASN’T FUNNING
THEY CAREFULLY TROD INTO THE MIRE
MY POSITION TO ADMIRE

WELL MY DEARS, IT WAS PLAIN TO SEE
THAT I HAD MUD FROM A TO B
BUT FIRST THINGS FIRST TO BE ADDRESSED
TO GET ME UPRIGHT WE WERE PRESSED
TO GET A GRIP ON THAT SLIPPERY SLIDE
OR FOR ETERNITY THERE ABIDE

I FELT TO STAND ALONE BE BEST
BUT ALACK ALAS IT WAS A TEST
AS FEET SLID HERE AND FEET SLID THERE
TO TAKE A HAND WAS ONLY FAIR
SO AT LAST I STOOD UPRIGHT
AND BOY OH BOY WAS I A SIGHT

GRUESOME GLOOPS OF MUD SLID OFF MY KNEES
INTO MY SANDALS IF YOU PLEASE,
MY BOOBS WERE LOVELY BLOBS OF BROWN
TWOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER HAD I NOT LOOKED DOWN
TO SEE THE NEWLY ANNOINTED ME
AND NOW THE PAIN STRUCK AT MY KNEE

MY NEW FOUND FRIENDS WERE MOST CONCERNED
EVEN THO’ THEIR HELP I’D JUST SPURNED
THE LADY OFFERED TO GO WITH ME,
SHE WAS CONCERNED ABOUT MY KNEE
SO TO THE SHOWERS WE THEN TRUDGED
HELPING ME, SHE WAS QUITE SMUDGED

THEN SHE LEFT AT MY REQUEST
TO BE ALONE I FELT WAS BEST
MY FRIENDS’ SUGGESTION HAD JUST BEEN
TO SHOWER CLOTHED TO GET CLEAN
BUT OH NO, I KNEW BEST,
MY MUDDY CLOTHES I WOULD DIVEST

IN THIS WAY I THOUGHT I MIGHT PRESERVE
CLEAN UNDERWEAR IN RESERVE
NOW THIS SOUNDS GOOD DOES IT NOT
MY THINK WAS FLAWED, IT WAS ALL ROT
IT WAS NOT EASY, AS ALL THAT
TO GET WET SHORTS OVER ALL THAT FAT

BY NOW SOME SORT OF SHOCK SET IN
AND I COMMENCED TO MAKE A DIN
THOSE WHO KNOW ME KNOW THAT I
WOULD NEVER EVER DEEM TO CRY
BUT MY SHOULDERS SHOOK AND I FELT QUITE FOWL
AS I COMMENCED TO WEEP AND HOWL

ARE YOU ALRIGHT I HEARD A VOICE SAY
OH YES I SOBBED, I’M FINE, OK
SANITY SURGED BACK TO ME JUST THEN
AND I SALLIED FORTH AGAIN
HEADING FOR HOME IN SODDEN PLIGHT
LOOKING LIKE I’D LOST THE FIGHT

NOW SOME TIME HAD PASSED SINCE I LEFT THE VAN
SOME TIME HAD PASSED SINCE I’D SEEN THE MAN
SITTING OUT THE FRONT AT EASE
HE WAS STILL THERE IF YOU PLEASE
“DID YOU NOT THINK I’D BIN GONE A WHILE?”
I CRISPLY QUIPPED AS HE RAISED HIS DIAL.

HE LOOKED AT ME QUITE AMAZED,
‘HAVE YOU BEEN CHATTING’ –HE ASKED UNFAZED
NOW REALLY, CLOTHES WERE SOAKED, BRAS IN ONE HAND
SANDLES DANGLED DRIPPING I LOOKED QUITE GRAND
MY KNEE WAS SKINNED BACK TO THE BONE
INWARDLY I BEGAN TO GROAN

SPEECHLESS, WORDLESS I WANTED TO SCREAM
ARE YOU ALWAYS IN A DREAM?
THE LOOK ON HIS FACE TURNED FROM BEMUSED
AS I RANTED AND RAVED, TO ONE AMUSED
I SUPPOSE HAD THE SHOE BEEN ON THE OTHER FOOT
TO STOP FROM LAUGHING I’D HAVE BEEN HARD PUT

CONCERNED ABOUT THE DANGER TO SOME OTHER
WE URGED THE PARK THE MUD TO COVER
OR TAKE THE BLESSED BUNTING DOWN
TO ENCOURAGE FOLK TO WALK AROUND
OUR WORRIES FELL UPON DEAF EARS
IT SEEMED THEY REALLY HAD NO FEARS

INSTEAD I WAS ASKED TO FILL IN PAPER
THAT WOULD GO TO THEIR HEAD OFFICE LATER
DUTY OF CARE I FELT WAS MISSING
AND TO THE MANAGER I FELT LIKE HISSING
“NEXT TIME WE SEE YOUR PARK WE’LL PASS
AND YOU CAN SHOVE YOUR MUD RIGHT UP YOUR ARSE!"